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08 November 2005

Minor setbacks...

Well, it's official. I've been off my 4-pages-a-day goal for approximately 2 weeks now. I guess it's a good thing I'm not doing that NaNoWrimo project or I'd be royally screwed over. I have yet to try that, so props to everyone who's currently participating. When you're sick, you don't feel like doing much of anything..let alone writing. I was home sick yesterday,but managed to get a few pages written in the evening. But that wasn't the only thing that set me back.

I'm a member of an online forum where it seems like I lurk more than anything. Every once in a while, when I have a question or need advice about something, I'll post. Last week, an author posted that she received a 3-book deal for her series. A series whose concept was--is--pretty close to mine...but different. I didn't see the difference at first. Your mind seems to lock onto certain words and you feel sucker punched almost. Your heart bobs up and down in your chest like you're riding on a roller coaster, blood travels down to your feet and for a NANOSECOND, it seems as though your world has dropped out from underneath you. "That's MY idea", you think. "They stole my idea."

The door opens and Self-Doubt struts in like an unwittingly invited vampire. Should I or should I not get an agent? Do I or do I not need an agent? Should I or should I not go with my original plan of self-publishing? Should I or should I not close my company because I'm really not comfortable promoting myself? All these crazy thoughts are swirling around in my brain, I'm babbling like a demented person and the next thing I know, I'm spilling my guts to my best friend. She emails me back and says, "I have one word for you: Omega." (long story, not going there). I had to laff because it wasn't the only word she had for me. But she repeated it a few times during the conversation we had when she called five minutes later to give me a much-needed pep talk. *takes a breath*

And then it was like someone figuratively slapped me upside the head and said, "Snap out of it!" (I'm pretty sure it wasn't Cher ). I think I just needed someone to say, "It's not like what you're doing. It's NOTHING like your series." Reading the announcement again, I realize that even though the concept is "along the same lines", I can distinguish the differences between the two. I remember from that NAWW meeting I went to that publishers like novels that are the same but different, so if I decided to get an agent, I would actually have something to compare my series to.

When you read--or hear--about offers like that you feel one of two things: jealous or hopeful. Jealous that it's not you, hopeful that someday it will be. The majority of the authors on this forum have been previously published thru major houses or currently have a deal. One of my favorite adult romance authors just started posting on there and I got so excited I responded like I did when I met Keanu Reeves for the first time...but, y'know...not as stupid. Despite being in the "big time", these authors are very approachable. There's much encouragement and support. And every once in a while we get to harrass a guest agent or editor.

I think I just have to remember that, as a self-publisher, I have different options. For reals. And I can't let little-big things like a 3-book deal with a concept "along the same lines" as my series mess with my head. I learned that, as a self-publisher, I will NEVER in my lifetime be able to compete with the bigger houses. So I will find other ways. And I'm okay with that.
posted by GeminiWisdom @ 7:33 PM |


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