If it was humanly possible...

I would make sure that every newborn female would never have to get their period ever again. On a consistent basis every month, I am reminded of the only reason why I hate being a female: the menstrual cycle. Tell me again why we have to suffer from cramps? Tell me again why we bleed and either have to wear diapers or plastic sticks to stem the flow? Tell me again why if someone in my immediate universe breathes wrong, I want to get Linda Blair (a la The Exorcist) on their ass and rip off a head? Or two?

Case in point, when I was trolling for blog space to buy the other day, I noticed my blog thumbnail had an unsitely pop-up window in it and had asked to get it fixed. I was told that they had a run a manual (huh? a manual what?) and it had scanned in the pop-up window. I was told they would do it again and it would be fixed. Sure. Okay. No problem. So, I went trolling again today and whaddya know? The eyesore of a pop-up window was still smack dab in the middle of my thumbnail. I've noticed it on other people's thumbnail's too and it made me wonder if the owners were as ticked off as me. So, I wrote a nice little note to support and was told:

"I can guarantee that attitude will not make us work any faster here to help you." Really? Funny, cuz three sentences later, you said:

"I will have a manual re-do here ASAP."

But that was before you said: "We do our best to get back to you in a timely fashion and are not here to be abused by you." Abuse? Abuse is me coming down there and slapping you upside the head. Abuse is me verbally bombarding you with every curse word in the English language for not doing your job the first time around when apparently the magic words were Clear your cache and refresh. Abuse is me "Getting Black" on you during the heavy part of my cycle and you really don't wanna see that because it's SO. NOT. PRETTY. So I gave you a little 'tude. Big deal. You should be used to it seeing as how you're in Customer Service. Bite me.

Case in point? Faxing a workman's comp cert to a client, only to get it back saying it was wrong. Well, how the hell was I supposed to know the Job Name should've been included in the cert holder's address? Mind reading isn't part of my job description, so I'm gonna have to go with what you put on the form. And call me stupid, but Job Name is pretty self-explanatory. You want that back today, do ya? Oh, you'll get it back today. It's 3 o'clock right now, so I'll have it out to you by 455. Because you ticked me off. And I'm about to start my period. Idiot.

And since I'm on a roll here, let me just say that yes, I have a little pooch that makes me look like I'm 3 months pregnant. And who cares if you think it's cute. That's beside the point. And yes, I keep saying that I want to get rid of it and it would be nice to lose it before we get married, but you pushing me to get on that STUPID ASSED GAZELLE MACHINE THAT TAKES UP SPACE IN OUR KITCHEN IS NOT GOING TO MAKE ME GET UP ON IT ANY FASTER. YOU WANNA KNOW WHEN I'LL START EXERCISING? HOW 'BOUT WHEN YOU STOP ASKING? CUZ THE MORE YOU PUSH, THE MORE I'M GONNA DIG IN MY HEELS. HELL, EVEN MY PARENTS COULD'VE TOLD YOU THAT METHOD DOESN'T WORK. I'M STARTING MY PERIOD SOON AND I FEEL THE ITCH TO BITCH, SO IF YOU WANNA KEEP YOUR HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS, YOU'D BETTER BACK BACK OFF AND GO WATCH SOME MORE ANIME. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!!!

*takes a deep breathe*. And another one. Ahem. Well. Alrightythen. That felt lovely.