Make me your wee-yotch

I went to see The Covenant after work today. It was the #1 movie at the box office over the weekend and you wanna know why? I'll give you 3 reasons:

~ Steven Strait
~ Taylor Kitsch
~ Sebastian Stan


The reason it was number one because these three guys had the teenage girls' panties in a twist. This is the most male eye candy they've ever seen--at one time--in a movie. And leading the pack was Steven Strait. The first time I saw him was in THIS MOVIE as Luke Falcon. Even the name sounds sexy, doesn't it? The voice, the hair, the full lips, and the upper body did it for me. And yes, he really does sing. The second time I saw him was purely by chance in THIS MOVIE as Warren Peace. Get it? Warren Peace? War and Peace? Very catchy, I know. That's Disney for ya. I'm a sucker for superhero-ish type movies. Especially if it's teenybopper superheroes. This guy used to be a model and I totally believe it.

My other favorite was Taylor Kitsch. I overlooked him somehow in John Tucker Must Die. Oh, wait. I know what happened. I went brain dead every time Jesse Metcalf came into view. And I'm glad I didn't get a ticket for Snakes on a Plane. He probably died anyway. All I have to say about this guy is that he looks really good in a sporty Speedo. So does Mr. Hottie for that matter. I say sporty because it's not really a Speedo, more like Speedo boy shorts, but, y'know, hotter. Because they, WOW, hang lower on the hips and show off that area around the--hang on, I need to get a Kleenex or else I'm going to short circuit my keyboard. Oh, and he had the coolest name out of the whole cast: Pogue Parry. Love the name.

In a nutshell, the movie sucked. Really.

I wanted to see it because of the SERIOUS eye candy (read: Steven Strait), it didn't look too scary, and it brought back memories of Angel and Buffy. I liked the whole supernatural feel, the abilities that they had, the special affects that showed off said supernatural powers...and the Speedo scene.

What I didn't like was the acting. The guys more so than the girls. Maybe it's because this is the first movie for two of the four "Sons of Ipswich". It seemed like they were still in acting school or something. The corny lines didn't help at all:

''How 'bout I make you my wee-yotch?'' says the BAD GUY to Caleb the Hottie (read: Steven Strait)

I think I was the only one in the theater that laffed aloud and winced at the same time when he said that line. And there weren't that many people in there, either.

Save your money. Wait til the eye candy comes to you via Starz.