Hang on...let me get out my note cards...Ahem

I borrowed this from my renter after seeing it on her blog. Too funny...

Celise's Acceptance Speech for the Most Over-Produced Victorian Epic Oscar:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly act! I feel so surgically enhanced! And this statue - it's so Yul Brenner! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to secretly suspect that even in my wildest fits of self-loathing, I never would have made daddy promise that this could ever be so meaningless. And to the other second-rate nominees, I want each of you to know how totally vindicated your crushing defeat makes me feel right now! You know when they first told me I was a God on Earth, I just had to take a Carnival Cruise and brag about how freakish my love scenes have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda specialYou know, there are so many blood-sucking two-faced harpies to thank!

First off though, I want to blackball the self-congratulatory circle jerks of the Academy, who looked deep within their lint-encrusted navels before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Zeus, for being such a powerful force in my contract negotiations. And to the People Under the Stairs, who taught me to take life by the day. And finally, to all the sycophantic talk show hosts - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!

Courtesy of Academy Award Speech Generator