STOP, THIEF!

In Yahoo headlines today: Thieves Steal Hilton's Mother's Day Gifts

A gift bag containing nearly $10,000 worth of Christian Dior shoes, sunglasses, handbags and perfume was taken from outside the Hilton home, spokesman Elliot Mintz said Monday.

The younger Hilton "spent three or four hours shopping to put together this wonderful collection of things for her mom," Mintz said.

A delivery person set the package down outside the home's gate to ring the intercom when a passenger in a passing car snatched the gifts.

"A fellow just whizzed by and grabbed the package," Mintz said.

For reals? I mean, you're kiddin' me, right? Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just being too much of a deep thinker and reading between the lines, but...is it me or are they trying to make us feel sorry for the woman? $10k is just a drop in the bucket for these people. She could probably buy the whole damn store. And I'm supposed to feel sympathy because someone stole a bunch of stuff that she already has? Gimme a break.

Poor Paris spent 3-4 hrs looking for the stuff. 3-4 hrs! Do you really think she said 3-4 hours? Raise your hand if you think she really said that. Yeah, me, neither. It probably went down like this:

"IT WAS STOLEN?!! ARE YOU F****IN' KIDDING ME? I SPENT ALL F****IN' DAY LOOKING FOR THAT SH**!" *insert childish foot stamp here*

Yeah, cry me a river, Blondie. I can see the blisters forming in your Jimmy Choo's from all the way over here.

Can you imagine what her mother said? "Well, that's all right dear. It was the thought that counts. You can blow $100k on me at this over-priced restaurant instead."