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11 February 2006

SARK's Succulent Pajama Party Recap...Part 1

This is the first page in my journal. The quote in the middle says "Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun".

This is the cover of my journal.

I had wanted to arrive early enough to get a toe reading, so I sacrificed breakfast thinking that they would feed us. I was wrong. But another lady was kind enough to let me borrow her room key so that I could get something to eat (you had to show a room key to be served). I didn't think I'd be able to hang until lunch. I'm glad I did breakfast because I got a chance to meet and share a table with Sharyn. By the time we got done, the lines for toe reading had gotten longer, so I just put my name on the list. The workshops started at 10am and most of the time, we were in groups of 3 or 4:


What would you say "No" to in your life - Each person took turns and had 60 seconds to, well, pretty much vent about anything in their life (negative out). This was an emotional exercise for some people. After each person went, we said "We see you, we hear you."

What would you say "Yes" to in your life - Each person took turns and had 60 seconds to say what they wanted to improve about their life (postive in). This too was an emotional exercise for some people. After each person went, we said "We see you, we hear you."

List what's Juicy, Joyful and Succulent in your life right now - I think we had 60 seconds to come up with something. I wrote:
~ being at this workshop
~ being engaged to a wonderful man
~ my current writing project
~ my friendship with my best friend
~ my health
~ the health of my family
~ my job (even though it's not the one I want)

List what feels dry, cracked or stagnant in your life right now - We had 60 seconds to do this exercise as well. I write:

~ not having enough money for my business
~ the opinion of others regarding my website
~ spending too much time thinking about promoting myself when I need to concentrate on my writing

List 3 ways to expand what's good in your life - We had to choose 3 items from our Juicy Joyful list and then talk amongst ourselves and give each other ideas. There were only 3 people in my group for this activity, including myself. Some of the ideas they came up with for #1 and #3 had to do with Valentines Day. The ideas for #2 suggested themes for a book release party as well as what I could do for Small Press Month in March. One of the ladies in my group had done workshops at libraries and bookstores and could tell me how to approach the people I needed to contact. I'll be emailing her later. For my list, I chose:

~ being engaged to a wonderful man
~ my current writing project
~ my friendship with my best friend

Good Gossip - Apparently there is such a thing. The idea was that each person took turns turning their back on the others, while the others talked about her behind her back. Hence, the name of the exercise. The person that had their back turned had to write down everything that was being said about them. It was a fun exercise, but kind of hard to do. Especially if you never sat at the table with or really talked to the person you were, well, "gossiping" about. Again, there was just 3 of us in this group. At the end, people were asked to volunteer what had been said about them. Here's what was said about me:

~ pretty smile
~ carries camera very well (I had brought my fiance's digital camera to take pictures)
~ cute and comfortable shoes (I have slipperlike-looking clogs that are furry on the inside)
~ liked my robe (cuz we got to wear pj's all weekend...and I have really cool robe)
~ smiles a lot
~ sparkly laugh
~ sitting nice and straight (I was actually hunched over writing down what they were saying)
~ nice pen (it's a really nice pencil, actually. A $6 pencil, to be exact), could be a writer? wide open 3rd eye, creative
~ creative aura
~ person who is tiny on the outside, but huge on the inside ( I liked this phrase)

Journal Scrapping - We were given journals (pink or lime green) and a stack of magazines. We were told to look through the magazines, cut out and glue anything that caught our eye. This was totally fun seeing as how I've never done it before.

Toe Reading - The readings were done by the faculty of SWIHA (Southwest Institute of Healing Arts). Charles was my reader and this is what he--in a nutshell--"saw" in my toes: I have a huge amount of energy that wants to come out but there are some things that are blocking/depleting that energy: 1) a sense of guilt 2) anger towards the Divine 3) an event that happened when I was 14 where I had to stop doing an activity that I loved and 4) the need to speak up but not getting the chance to do so. Someone or something in my life is holding me back. I'm a communicator, I'll be doing a lot of public speaking about whatever I'm doing, that I'll be serving others with it, don't look for money because it will come with serving others. I'm too grounded, there needs to be more of a balance--spiritually. I need to open up communication between me and the Divine--but in my own way (doesn't have to include going to church, could be just communing with Nature. Just be more open to anything). Everything's excellent and it's all in process.

My Interpretations:

#1 is due to my granma. And Charles mentioned that farther down the line without me having to come right out and say "he" or "she". My grandmother died several years back and I never got a chance to say "I love you" or "goodbye" one last time. I'm still waiting for that closure, which is why my "light" is low. Charles explained to me that she doesn't want to cross over because she would be taking my energy. Basically, I have to respect her memory and move on...and then she'll be around me whenever I want. Both her and my grampa (from my mother's side) were a big part of my childhoo and into my early twenties. I saw them on a regular basis until my grampa passed away and my mother had to put my granma in a home care facility. When my grampa died, I didn't get a chance to say "I love you" or "goodbye" one last time. Some time later ( I don't remember how much later), he came to me in a dream and we sat down and talked. I woke up the next morning knowing that I had closure. I didn't have that w/ my gramma and I'm still waiting, I guess.

#2 I couldn't think of anything at that point in time. Charles said that was normal and it would probably come to me later. He was right. My father was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year? I think. Maybe that's when it started. The anger. Why him? Why that? It's not fair. Why are you punishing him? Wasn't the mild heart attack at 48 enough? When my parents first told my older sister and I, I cried--off and on--for 2 days. My first thought was "Who's going to give me away at my wedding?" and then my second thought was "If anything happens to him, Steven and I will just go to the JOP". At that point, Steven had yet to propose, but after that announcement, I wanted him to. Of course, this was before we heard the full scope of the situation. At the moment, the cancer hasn't grown, he's foregoing the surgery and will be doing chemo instead.

In November of 2005, he was in the hospital for almost 4 weeks recovering from major surgery. We weren't sure if he would be out in time for Thanksgiving, but he was. During a visit with him, it was me and a couple of people from the church my parents attend. I think my Mom had gone off to get something to eat, make a call...something. My Dad was talking to these men, telling them what had gone wrong, what had been fixed, and he started to cry...just a little. He said that God must be testing him and he didn't know if he would be strong enough to get through it. In all my life, I have never seen my father cry. Openly. I think he felt overhelmed, scared...hell I would've felt the same way. I clung to his hand like a barnacle while they prayed over him. Maybe that's when the anger continued to grow...and has yet to abate. I think I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

#3 I'm still debating. I can't think of anything. I can't even remember what activity I was doing at that age that I loved and had to stop doing. I'm pretty sure I was still writing then. I fractured the 5th metarsal on my right foot from jumping on a trampoline, but that happened when I was 17. I remember that because I graduated from high school with the half cast still on my leg. Hmm. I'll have to keep pondering on that one....

#4 I have this anxiety of speaking in public--or rather, large crowds--and it's because I have a slight stutter. It's there, but not as noticeable as, say, Mel Tillis. There are times where I can feel myself falter over words and do one of two things 1) start out stuttering, stop, and say it again but slower or 2) talk real fast and hope the person understood what I was saying. I think it's FEAR holding me back.

PART II: Saturday: Games, Dinner Hour, Dancing; Sunday: Two Workshops, "Closing Ceremeonies", lasting impressions.

posted by GeminiWisdom @ 9:45 PM |


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